Sweet Surrender

Be Still and KNOW that I AM God... 

If there was ever a Scripture verse that could completely describe and encompass the Christian walk I've longed for my entire life, it would be this verse.  As I look back on the last 19 years of walking with the Lord, I see a woman who spent a tremendous amount of time striving.  Striving to be what I thought God wanted, striving to be the best mom, the best wife, the best employee, sister and friend.  Striving, striving, striving...  It has been been one exhausting ride!

Interestingly enough, this last year has been different.  This has been the year that my God has chosen to take me to school, so to speak, in regard to "letting go and letting God".  Boy, do I wish I knew then, what I know now!  Outwardly, my life could not appear any more chaotic---complete and utter change.  Nothing familiar; Nothing!  Everything in my life has changed, and that is no exaggeration.   And yet, with all that has gone on, this could not have been a more wonderful year!

This has been the year of discovery for me.  Discovering who I am in Christ.  Discovering that the God that I have called upon for all these years, truly does love and esteem me--ME!  Discovering, not the "how to" but the "who to" lean on, trust in and fully rely on.  Discovering what His grace truly means in my life.  Discovering what my righteousness in Christ really means; and discovering how to rest in what He did, once and for all, on the cross, for me.

I have never known the peace of God for any length of time.  I always seemed to lay things on the alter and once I had a little relief, I would go back and pick those things up again.  As if to say "I got this God, you can help somebody else now."  What foolishness!  No wonder I never walked in peace, or victory.  No wonder I didn't experience His rest or abundance!

Ah, but God...Finally!  He took me away from all the familiar distractions of my life and set me down in the school of the Holy Spirit and said, "I love you, and I want you to get this."  "It's time for you to understand, so that there is no mixture in your ministry."

How does God remove a stony heart and replace it with flesh?  I used to think it was by my "giving up" things.  I used to think it was all about how much effort I put into it.  I used to think I could please Him if only I could quit doing something, quit being something.  My focus was on myself.  WRONG!!! 

He has graciously  brought me to the place where my focus is HIM.  I have no confidence, no hope, no faith, no trust in my flesh--or anyone else's, for that matter.  Its not about me being perfect through actions or works; its about Him.  What He did--to make me perfect, righteous, blameless and innocent in the sight of God.  Its all about Jesus!!  What a relief!  What peace!  What joy!  YIPPEE!!!!

Some of you, who are reading this, will think "duh, no kidding", others will not get it at all. That's OK.  I am glad that I get it.  I am grateful that God decided this year to be the year that Claudia Donovan has her "Ah Ha" moment.  I am grateful that God allowed me this year of schooling so that I could pass it along to others--His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His peace, and most of all His Word; with a greater passion and purity than I have known before.

Finally, I can surrender, all of me, to the One who is more than able---Sweet, sweet, sweet Surrender!!

I am Still, and I Know that You are God!!             For Your Glory, thank you Father.  Amen