As I lay awake yet another night crying out to God for the answers to my many questions, it never ceases to amaze me when I hear His still small voice. Its funny, when God starts to speak, everything which seemed so chaotic only moments ago, suddenly is calm. It must have been truly remarkable to have been one of the Apostles in the boat with Christ the night He spoke to the wind and the waves and it all became calm... No threats, no worry, no fear. Just calm.
What an experience! Then and now. That same voice still tells the wind and the waves of my heart and mind to be still and they are.
I don't know how much time you spend in reflection, but I spend a great deal of time in that mode. I find that there are certain places and times I revisit. Times when I received a nugget of wisdom or revelation from God. It seems to help me as I struggle to make some sense of this journey of life I'm on. Tonight, has been one of those nights.
For whatever reason, I was thinking about a letter my Mom wrote to me just before she went home to be with the Lord. It was a beautiful letter about how much she loved me and how proud she was of me, but somewhere in the middle of that letter was her prayer for me, taken right out of Ephesians 3.
She wrote that I would one day know through practical experience, the love of Christ for me. I remember asking God one night for that very thing. How in the world would I Know through practical experience, the love of Christ?
Tonight, God revealed the answer to that 17 year old question! I don't know why it took so long for me to get it, but I'm sure glad I've got it now! God has revealed His Love to me (and perhaps to you) through the Body of Christ. I can't help but think that the night I asked God that question 17 + years ago, He just smiled and said, "oh baby girl, I'm gonna bring you to Savannah, GA one day and you are gonna have people love on you like never before; then you will KNOW, through practical experience, how much I love you."
Maybe you are like me. Maybe you rack your brain trying to figure out what God is up to. Maybe you, like me, spend so much time asking, that you nearly miss the experience of it all. If so, head on over to Ephesians 3. Read the whole chapter. It's a great chapter! But don't miss the part where Paul writes in vs 19 "That you may really come to know (practically, through experience for yourselves) the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge (without experience); that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God ( the richest measure of his divine Presence, and become a body filled and flooded with God Himself!"
My time here in Savannah is drawing to and end. I'm going back home to Connecticut. But I go away from this place full, overflowing actually, of the experiential love of my Savior. "Jesus, with skin on" is not just a catchy phrase. It is who WE are called to be. It has been demonstrated to me and I plan on mimicking it from now on because Experience is Far Greater than Mere Knowledge!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
In Their Place
The pain is overwhelming. The ache just won't go away. The grief almost too much to bear. The tears soak my face and neck; I can't make them stop, they just keep flowing. The separation has my heart torn in two. I can barely stand, my knees keep buckling under me. The weight is great; the burden too heavy to bear alone. I pull myself up. I'm standing--"keep standing, keep moving forward", I tell myself, "it will all be worth it".
Did you ever wonder what went through Jesus' mind as he took the punishment for us, as he endured the beatings and the stripes? Nails, tied to leather straps, ripping his flesh. Carrying the cross to that hill after the beating of his life. Nailed ( not the wimpy nails you hang pictures with, but the thick ones used to hold landscape ties together) to the cross?
The top paragraph is how I feel today. Just a lonely Mom. Aching for her kids. Praying to God that He would restore them to Himself. Crying out day and night for them. Hoping they are safe. Asking God to set His Angels round about them. Trying not to fear, or worry. Standing in the Gap for them. Interceding. Desperately trying to see through the eyes of Faith. Believing that God is moving. Believing that He loves them more than I ever could. Wishing I could put my arms around them and take away all their pain; like I did when they were young. Knowing in my heart that one day, these prayers will be answered. Holding fast and hard to the promises of the One, who suffered and died for us. The Resurrected One, the Resurrector. The Only God.
As I stood and sang this morning, God whispered to me that He has heard my cry. I was taken aback, awestruck. The God of all Creation entered into my pain, my suffering and He took it, once again, upon Himself.
I could never imagine what Jesus endured for us. I can not fathom what it was like to be separated from God the Father when He bore the sin of the whole world. I can't wrap my brain or even my heart around what it was like to endure all that he did. He tells us we must enter into His suffering. I'm not sure I understand exactly what that means, but what I do understand is that, as a mom, I would be more than willing to take any one of my children's pain. I would take their place. Maybe that is what it means. Loving others enough to be willing to take their place. Maybe, paragraph one, was exactly what He was thinking...
Did you ever wonder what went through Jesus' mind as he took the punishment for us, as he endured the beatings and the stripes? Nails, tied to leather straps, ripping his flesh. Carrying the cross to that hill after the beating of his life. Nailed ( not the wimpy nails you hang pictures with, but the thick ones used to hold landscape ties together) to the cross?
The top paragraph is how I feel today. Just a lonely Mom. Aching for her kids. Praying to God that He would restore them to Himself. Crying out day and night for them. Hoping they are safe. Asking God to set His Angels round about them. Trying not to fear, or worry. Standing in the Gap for them. Interceding. Desperately trying to see through the eyes of Faith. Believing that God is moving. Believing that He loves them more than I ever could. Wishing I could put my arms around them and take away all their pain; like I did when they were young. Knowing in my heart that one day, these prayers will be answered. Holding fast and hard to the promises of the One, who suffered and died for us. The Resurrected One, the Resurrector. The Only God.
As I stood and sang this morning, God whispered to me that He has heard my cry. I was taken aback, awestruck. The God of all Creation entered into my pain, my suffering and He took it, once again, upon Himself.
I could never imagine what Jesus endured for us. I can not fathom what it was like to be separated from God the Father when He bore the sin of the whole world. I can't wrap my brain or even my heart around what it was like to endure all that he did. He tells us we must enter into His suffering. I'm not sure I understand exactly what that means, but what I do understand is that, as a mom, I would be more than willing to take any one of my children's pain. I would take their place. Maybe that is what it means. Loving others enough to be willing to take their place. Maybe, paragraph one, was exactly what He was thinking...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
He Desires to Bless Us
Had a tough day yesterday. It was one of those days in which, when you get home, you just want to crawl into bed and pretend it never happened! As I was getting ready to do just that, the Lord called me to attention. It never ceases to amaze me that the Creator of everything would speak my name! He layed it out for me very clearly. Pity party or blessing? It was a no-brainer for me! As I got up to leave for Tuesday night prayer, I could not help but ask God, "what difference would it make if I weren't there?" His answer was "I want to bless."
When I arrived, I admitted that I really didn't want to be there. In my heart, I knew I was only there for the blessing God promised. As we all started to share testimony after testimony of the Awesomeness of God in our lives and families, my attitude turned to gratitude once again and I was truly blessed to be there; among friends, testifying to the Glory and Power of God, and drinking in the encouragement like a dried up sponge! I walked in weary, but I would leave there worshipping!
The blessing had come, I thought, while I was sitting there. Very cool--I didn't have to wait for it! I remembered at that moment what my Pastor had said the night before: We must begin to pray and expect God to move immediately (sorry, that's a paraphrase). The idea being that when we pray, we tend to ask for things in the future tense, rather than the present. Kind of a "hope deferred" type thing.
As the night went on, we had a time of worship and then prayer. I prayed each prayer as if I were asking from the mouth of a lion, or a fiery furnace! I actually was seeing myself in those places as I was praying. I asked for God to speak my requests into existence NOW. Not sure I have ever prayed that way before, but if the answers to those prayers (which came today) are any indication of God desiring for me to pray this way: I will, forever!
As I was reflecting on the Word today, I came across a short verse. It said: "Do you not know? My desire is to bless you..." What a verse! It lept off the page and buried itself in my heart.
I am truly blessed! I am so glad I went to prayer last night. I am so thankful that the format was not the usual. I am blown away that God continues to call my name in order to bless me-- Bad attitude and all--He knew what I needed last night. He knew I would respond to His voice. He knows it all. How could I not respond to this type of love...
Father, I thank you and praise you for all of your divine appointments. You continue to humble me with your overwhelming love and grace. I love you Lord.
Amen
When I arrived, I admitted that I really didn't want to be there. In my heart, I knew I was only there for the blessing God promised. As we all started to share testimony after testimony of the Awesomeness of God in our lives and families, my attitude turned to gratitude once again and I was truly blessed to be there; among friends, testifying to the Glory and Power of God, and drinking in the encouragement like a dried up sponge! I walked in weary, but I would leave there worshipping!
The blessing had come, I thought, while I was sitting there. Very cool--I didn't have to wait for it! I remembered at that moment what my Pastor had said the night before: We must begin to pray and expect God to move immediately (sorry, that's a paraphrase). The idea being that when we pray, we tend to ask for things in the future tense, rather than the present. Kind of a "hope deferred" type thing.
As the night went on, we had a time of worship and then prayer. I prayed each prayer as if I were asking from the mouth of a lion, or a fiery furnace! I actually was seeing myself in those places as I was praying. I asked for God to speak my requests into existence NOW. Not sure I have ever prayed that way before, but if the answers to those prayers (which came today) are any indication of God desiring for me to pray this way: I will, forever!
As I was reflecting on the Word today, I came across a short verse. It said: "Do you not know? My desire is to bless you..." What a verse! It lept off the page and buried itself in my heart.
I am truly blessed! I am so glad I went to prayer last night. I am so thankful that the format was not the usual. I am blown away that God continues to call my name in order to bless me-- Bad attitude and all--He knew what I needed last night. He knew I would respond to His voice. He knows it all. How could I not respond to this type of love...
Father, I thank you and praise you for all of your divine appointments. You continue to humble me with your overwhelming love and grace. I love you Lord.
Amen
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sweet Surrender
Be Still and KNOW that I AM God...
If there was ever a Scripture verse that could completely describe and encompass the Christian walk I've longed for my entire life, it would be this verse. As I look back on the last 19 years of walking with the Lord, I see a woman who spent a tremendous amount of time striving. Striving to be what I thought God wanted, striving to be the best mom, the best wife, the best employee, sister and friend. Striving, striving, striving... It has been been one exhausting ride!
Interestingly enough, this last year has been different. This has been the year that my God has chosen to take me to school, so to speak, in regard to "letting go and letting God". Boy, do I wish I knew then, what I know now! Outwardly, my life could not appear any more chaotic---complete and utter change. Nothing familiar; Nothing! Everything in my life has changed, and that is no exaggeration. And yet, with all that has gone on, this could not have been a more wonderful year!
This has been the year of discovery for me. Discovering who I am in Christ. Discovering that the God that I have called upon for all these years, truly does love and esteem me--ME! Discovering, not the "how to" but the "who to" lean on, trust in and fully rely on. Discovering what His grace truly means in my life. Discovering what my righteousness in Christ really means; and discovering how to rest in what He did, once and for all, on the cross, for me.
I have never known the peace of God for any length of time. I always seemed to lay things on the alter and once I had a little relief, I would go back and pick those things up again. As if to say "I got this God, you can help somebody else now." What foolishness! No wonder I never walked in peace, or victory. No wonder I didn't experience His rest or abundance!
Ah, but God...Finally! He took me away from all the familiar distractions of my life and set me down in the school of the Holy Spirit and said, "I love you, and I want you to get this." "It's time for you to understand, so that there is no mixture in your ministry."
How does God remove a stony heart and replace it with flesh? I used to think it was by my "giving up" things. I used to think it was all about how much effort I put into it. I used to think I could please Him if only I could quit doing something, quit being something. My focus was on myself. WRONG!!!
He has graciously brought me to the place where my focus is HIM. I have no confidence, no hope, no faith, no trust in my flesh--or anyone else's, for that matter. Its not about me being perfect through actions or works; its about Him. What He did--to make me perfect, righteous, blameless and innocent in the sight of God. Its all about Jesus!! What a relief! What peace! What joy! YIPPEE!!!!
Some of you, who are reading this, will think "duh, no kidding", others will not get it at all. That's OK. I am glad that I get it. I am grateful that God decided this year to be the year that Claudia Donovan has her "Ah Ha" moment. I am grateful that God allowed me this year of schooling so that I could pass it along to others--His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His peace, and most of all His Word; with a greater passion and purity than I have known before.
Finally, I can surrender, all of me, to the One who is more than able---Sweet, sweet, sweet Surrender!!
I am Still, and I Know that You are God!! For Your Glory, thank you Father. Amen
If there was ever a Scripture verse that could completely describe and encompass the Christian walk I've longed for my entire life, it would be this verse. As I look back on the last 19 years of walking with the Lord, I see a woman who spent a tremendous amount of time striving. Striving to be what I thought God wanted, striving to be the best mom, the best wife, the best employee, sister and friend. Striving, striving, striving... It has been been one exhausting ride!
Interestingly enough, this last year has been different. This has been the year that my God has chosen to take me to school, so to speak, in regard to "letting go and letting God". Boy, do I wish I knew then, what I know now! Outwardly, my life could not appear any more chaotic---complete and utter change. Nothing familiar; Nothing! Everything in my life has changed, and that is no exaggeration. And yet, with all that has gone on, this could not have been a more wonderful year!
This has been the year of discovery for me. Discovering who I am in Christ. Discovering that the God that I have called upon for all these years, truly does love and esteem me--ME! Discovering, not the "how to" but the "who to" lean on, trust in and fully rely on. Discovering what His grace truly means in my life. Discovering what my righteousness in Christ really means; and discovering how to rest in what He did, once and for all, on the cross, for me.
I have never known the peace of God for any length of time. I always seemed to lay things on the alter and once I had a little relief, I would go back and pick those things up again. As if to say "I got this God, you can help somebody else now." What foolishness! No wonder I never walked in peace, or victory. No wonder I didn't experience His rest or abundance!
Ah, but God...Finally! He took me away from all the familiar distractions of my life and set me down in the school of the Holy Spirit and said, "I love you, and I want you to get this." "It's time for you to understand, so that there is no mixture in your ministry."
How does God remove a stony heart and replace it with flesh? I used to think it was by my "giving up" things. I used to think it was all about how much effort I put into it. I used to think I could please Him if only I could quit doing something, quit being something. My focus was on myself. WRONG!!!
He has graciously brought me to the place where my focus is HIM. I have no confidence, no hope, no faith, no trust in my flesh--or anyone else's, for that matter. Its not about me being perfect through actions or works; its about Him. What He did--to make me perfect, righteous, blameless and innocent in the sight of God. Its all about Jesus!! What a relief! What peace! What joy! YIPPEE!!!!
Some of you, who are reading this, will think "duh, no kidding", others will not get it at all. That's OK. I am glad that I get it. I am grateful that God decided this year to be the year that Claudia Donovan has her "Ah Ha" moment. I am grateful that God allowed me this year of schooling so that I could pass it along to others--His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His peace, and most of all His Word; with a greater passion and purity than I have known before.
Finally, I can surrender, all of me, to the One who is more than able---Sweet, sweet, sweet Surrender!!
I am Still, and I Know that You are God!! For Your Glory, thank you Father. Amen
Saturday, January 7, 2012
He Makes Intercession for the Rebellious
As I was reading and praying this morning, I read again Is. 53:12..."He poured out his life unto death, and let himself be regarded as a criminal yet he bore the sins of many and made intercession for the rebellious." I have been seeking God for the last few days about what position I should take in regard to a friend's blatant disobedience. It never surprises me that when I pray about what to do about someone else, God points out my own sin. I rather expect it, and am comforted by this act of His grace. I know now, he only wants the very best that I can be; heart, mind, body and soul. I also know that He knows I sincerely need Him. So, I remove the plank from my own eye, and continue to ask. God, who is full of mercy, patiently shows me in Scripture what He would do, so that I will do likewise. I love that about God! He loves me enough to take time out to teach me about compassion. He doesn't want me to "write people off" any more. He wants me to learn to love the way He loves--without constraint or condition.
What shall I do? Intercede, love, and be regarded in whatever way others will regard me--it makes no never mind to me. My Savior has spoken. I will obey. His promises are true--always!
Is 42:3 A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth.
At any given time, we are all bruised reeds, dimly burning wicks, and rebels--yet He interceded for us. Amen
What shall I do? Intercede, love, and be regarded in whatever way others will regard me--it makes no never mind to me. My Savior has spoken. I will obey. His promises are true--always!
Is 42:3 A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth.
At any given time, we are all bruised reeds, dimly burning wicks, and rebels--yet He interceded for us. Amen
Thursday, January 5, 2012
I Will Be Genuine
Some people make resolutions in the New Year. I have never been one to do that. What I do, while it may be similar, is choose a verse of Scripture that I believe God is desiring me to understand and live more fully. This year my verses are 2 Peter 1:5-7
"For this reason, adding your diligence to the divine promises, employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue and in exercising virtue, to develop knowledge. In knowledge, develop self-control, in exercising self-control, develop steadfastness; in steadfastness, develop godliness and in exercising godliness, develop brotherly affection and in exercising brotherly affection develop Christian love." Amplified
I chose these verses not because I think I can accomplish any of this on my own, but rather because I hear Jesus calling me to a new place (spiritually). I chose these verses because they represent my heart's response to the grace of God. I want what He wants for me. Therefore, I am an apprentice of Christ. I am the understudy. I am the forever student. I am the clay...
If I had to summarize 2011 in one word, it would be the word overwhelming. The year presented itself with more changes than I could number! Some wonderful, some awful, some, well the jury is still out...
It is no wonder to me that the verse for last year was "you have need of patient endurance". Boy did I! But throughout the year I have grown in that area. I learned to trust God in a way I had not previously known. I learned to walk in His peace as never before. I learned to really bask in His Word and His Presence and to allow Him to put the finishing touches on my "God-sufficiency" rather than my former "self-sufficient" focus. All in all, there are some incredible blessings that have come out of 2011, and I am extraordinarily grateful!
So, here I am walking through the door of 2012. I have a new verse, ( perhaps prophetic; like last year's), I have new challenges, new friends and most importantly, a new commitment to the One who made me for Himself. I want to be genuine. I want to be like Him. I will be genuine. I will be more like Him. For the old things have passed away, behold I am a new creation in Christ. I am His and He is mine. My life in 2012 will be lived for an audience of One.
"For this reason, adding your diligence to the divine promises, employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue and in exercising virtue, to develop knowledge. In knowledge, develop self-control, in exercising self-control, develop steadfastness; in steadfastness, develop godliness and in exercising godliness, develop brotherly affection and in exercising brotherly affection develop Christian love." Amplified
I chose these verses not because I think I can accomplish any of this on my own, but rather because I hear Jesus calling me to a new place (spiritually). I chose these verses because they represent my heart's response to the grace of God. I want what He wants for me. Therefore, I am an apprentice of Christ. I am the understudy. I am the forever student. I am the clay...
If I had to summarize 2011 in one word, it would be the word overwhelming. The year presented itself with more changes than I could number! Some wonderful, some awful, some, well the jury is still out...
It is no wonder to me that the verse for last year was "you have need of patient endurance". Boy did I! But throughout the year I have grown in that area. I learned to trust God in a way I had not previously known. I learned to walk in His peace as never before. I learned to really bask in His Word and His Presence and to allow Him to put the finishing touches on my "God-sufficiency" rather than my former "self-sufficient" focus. All in all, there are some incredible blessings that have come out of 2011, and I am extraordinarily grateful!
So, here I am walking through the door of 2012. I have a new verse, ( perhaps prophetic; like last year's), I have new challenges, new friends and most importantly, a new commitment to the One who made me for Himself. I want to be genuine. I want to be like Him. I will be genuine. I will be more like Him. For the old things have passed away, behold I am a new creation in Christ. I am His and He is mine. My life in 2012 will be lived for an audience of One.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)