Its been a while since I've written. In all honesty, I have been struggling with some fears and doubt. I know I am not alone. We all wonder if we are really walking in the will of God. Lets face it, as humans, we strain, at times, to hear God speak. We wonder if the timing is right, we second-guess ourselves when we step out in faith and things look messy and unstable. We ponder over and over whether it was really God who said it, or was it me? We ask ourselves, did I hear Him right? The good news is, if I am asking all these questions, it means that I truly want to please God and walk in His ways!
When my kids were younger and they asked me questions, I always tried to answer them as truthfully and completely as I could depending on their age and level of maturity. I thought about that today as I was reflecting on these last few weeks. I can't help but wonder if the answers I hear from God are simply, as complete as I can handle, based on my maturity. Sometimes, as my kids got older, I would answer them with a question or give them something to ponder for a while, a tidbit of truth that was just a little beyond them--something to stretch them and their thinking, or attitude or understanding. I believe God does the same. Its similar to the "carrot in front of the mule", me being the mule. I think God is stretching me. Trying to help me see things differently--from a place of greater understanding.
My focus can be, at times, so earthly. I need this, or they need that and the other person wants this... Martin Luther said many years ago that " every generation needs to find out what God is doing in this generation and align yourself with it and get involved with it." I think we (and I mean me) need to change our prayers. I have to be honest and say that I am not sure what God is doing in this generation. He could certainly pick from a long list, as far as I can see! But, if I were to make an educated guess, I would say that He is in the same business as always--rescuing the lost. He gave us only one commission and he came for one reason. It hasn't changed.
In the book of Nehemiah, it says of him that "he was doing a good work." Meaning that the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem was a good work. I think we are still in the wall building business! If the character of our work and the motivation of our work is God-centered, than we too, are doing a good work. We are the "bond servants" of Christ. Work is our destiny!
I am really beginning to think that God is calling me to His work. For several months now, I have been asking him for work--the kind that pays the bills! For the last few days, He has been reminding me of some things that were spoken over me and to me, in what seems like a lifetime ago. So long, in fact, that I had almost forgotten. Could this be the time and the place? It seems unlikely, but what do I know! He says, " I know the plans I have for you..." I wrote this poem earlier today--you all get to see that I flunked poetry 101! Anyway, it came as I continue to ponder why I am here in Savannah; so far from everything I knew and everyone I love and was connected to. I wrote it as I related to Ruth in the book by her name.
The Sojourner
I was asked to take a trip one day, a trip somewhere far away, where I knew no one nor their ways; I was asked to go and not to stay. So I arose and took some things I thought I might need, but when arrived I was told only to sow seed. I said, " O Lord how can this be, I need to stay alive" He answered, "Fear not my daughter, continue and you will thrive."
I've walked this place for many days, continued to share His way with those who were before me. But time is going by and the questions still arise, "Am I really here for you, or perhaps it was for me; please o please Lord, please help me to see. Should I go back or press ahead? Your path I do not know." His answer clear as light, "Fear not my daughter, do not go." But Lord I'm scared, all is dark as night." With everything within me, I want to go back back in fright. He says, "Stay put, do not disgrace, I have a plan, and you will see." "O Lord, I hope so. My faith is in Thee."
So, as the Lord wills, this walk is to be continued. Me, clinging to my Savior as Ruth did to Naomi!
PEACE
