Of all the things I struggle with in life there is none so great as Trust. It is interesting to me that God continuously, throughout His Word, says to us "Believe, trust, rely on, be confident in..." Something tells me I am not alone!
When you have been abused and abandoned and cheated on and deceived over and over again and by myriad of people, it is difficult (OK, really, really difficult) to trust God. I don't know why, but as humans, we tend to project our previous experiences onto others and even on to God. I often don't even realize that I am doing this. It is usually an unconscious act, and a detrimental one no doubt. Our experiences shape who we are; there is no way around that truth. However, I am coming to realize that God, when all those experiences are set before Him, transforms them somehow, into something lovely. Beauty for Ashes. The hard part, I guess, is trusting Him with all that pain. It requires us to re-hash it, and I don't know about you, but I would rather not. It also requires us to know the One in whom we are to trust; which in turn requires us to read the Word and pray, and be lead by the Spirit in all truth.
As I walk with the Lord through this life I have come to love Him. I have come to trust in Him. I am growing in trust. I am learning to take Him at His Word. After all, isn't that what faith is? I am beginning to lay aside the questions and the doubts and simply rest in His Word, hoping and believing that I will not be found a fool for having believed. In fact, just last night, that was part of the prayer I prayed. ( If you can't be honest with God with all your doubts and fears, What is the point?) Father, I am choosing to trust You, I am choosing to take You at Your word. I believe that You are trustworthy. Please do not let me be ashamed or disappointed in You or disillusioned by my belief in You.
That prayer is real. That prayer went directly to the throne. It came from the heart of one of His children. One who has been disillusioned and brought to shame for having trusted so many others, one who, finally, is laying down every ounce of self-sufficiency and saying in her heart I TRUST YOU. It is the final plunge; the letting go of the branch you are hanging from. It is coming to the end of yourself and relying completely on Him. It is terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. But most of all, it is the freedom that this heart has longed for! Ps 33:21 For in Him does our heart rejoice, because we have trusted in His holy name.
This morning, the Lord brought me to this Scripture, Ps 34:5 They looked to Him and were radiant: their faces shall never blush for shame or be confused. I had to laugh, because I had just prayed that prayer last night. It was Him speaking directly to my heart, assuring me that He will never let me down and that I am safe with Him. I can take Him at His Word. I love the Lord because He first loved me.
Father I thank you for Your Word. I thank you that it reveals to us Your nature and points us in the right direction. Amen
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