Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came up to Him (Jesus) and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? As many as up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven! If the Word of God doesn't challenge you, it is because you aren't reading it!
Today we did an exercise in church where we wrote down on a black piece of paper a sin or sins that we just couldn't seem to accept the forgiveness that Christ offered to us on the Cross. We know we have been forgiven; we just weren't walking in that forgiveness. We hadn't forgiven ourselves. Often, I have had a difficult time forgiving myself, for the sins I have committed. I especially have trouble when I see the consequence of that sin even years down the road. This is not unconfessed sin I am talking about, this is the sin that is buried in Christ. ( When we accept the grace of God, through Christ's death and resurrection, we are forgiven of every sin--past, present and future--that we commit. Jesus paid the price by dying for us. The veil (that separated us from communion with God) was torn in two. We now have unencumbered access to God.)
As I took my filled out black piece of paper toward the front, grabbed a hammer and nailed it to the cross; Several things occurred to me: 1.) It was my sin that sent Jesus to that Cross. If I were the only person who was separated from God, Jesus would have done exactly the same thing! 2.) I nailed Him to that Cross. As I took the hammer in my hand today, it occurred to me that I nailed him to The Cross. Nailing that scrap of paper was like nailing the very flesh of Jesus. 3.) As I walked back to my seat, it occurred to me, that I had, in my heart, called Jesus a liar.
I had been walking around, carrying the weight of my sin. Sin that had already been atoned for by my Savior. Sin that He died for, so that I wouldn't have to die for it. I hadn't forgiven myself. I wouldn't allow myself to fully enter in. I was the only one who was keeping me from being AT-ONE with God. God wasn't punishing me, I was punishing me! The worst part of this exercise was, that I wasn't alone. Many, many people who walked to that cross in the front today, walked up there in self-loathing, in unforgiveness, in unbelief. How Sad...
I asked a good friend the other day, "When does the abundance begin?" The Bible says, " I have come to give you life, and life more abundantly". I think that question was answered for me today. The answer is, When I fully enter in to and understand and trust in and rely on Christ and all that He did for me. It is so easy to say that we get it. I thought I did. But today, the Holy Spirit brought me deeper in Truth and delivered me from something that was so deep in my heart, I didn't even know it was there--But God did. And He knew that it had to be removed today. The Bible says, He searches our hearts. 1Chron. 28:9 For the Lord searches all hearts and minds and understands all the wanderings of the thoughts. And again, 1 Cor.2:10...and the Holy Spirit searches diligently, exploring and examining everything, even sounding the profound and bottomless things of God-the divine counsels and things hidden beyond man's scrutiny.
As I reflect, I think the reason I have had such a difficult time forgiving others is that I found myself to be unforgivable. What a lie from the pit of Hell! We are all forgivable. No matter how many times we fail, so long as we confess our sin to God and turn from it, we will be forgiven. It is the beauty of the Cross. It is why I can hold my head high in the presence of my accuser, it is the reason I can forgive others.
Father, we thank you that it was your will for us from the beginning of time; to have relationship and open communication with you. We thank you that Jesus' Death and Resurrection make that possible, and that this too, was part of Your plan from the foundations of the earth. Thank you Lord for making it possible for me to walk, free of the burden of my sin, with you and that Your Spirit enables me to forgive as have been forgiven. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
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