The Wrestling Match

I awoke today with the feeling of dread in my gut.  The feeling, I knew instantly, was that of the impending wrestling match I would soon be having with my son over going to church this morning.  Foolishly, rather than taking the time to gird up my loins for battle through the reading of the Word and prayer, I decided to jump in the shower and get ready so that when the argument began and dragged on, I would be able to get out the door at it's end.   O foolish woman! Do you not yet know that God alone enables you in spiritual battles?   I was dressed nicely and my hair and make-up were done and I did make it to church on time; but I lost the battle.  Forgive me Lord, for not having communion with you before my feet touched the floor.

Had I been smart enough to follow the order of things, the result may have been different.  I may have opened Ephesians 6:10-18 .  I could have been empowered through my union with God, drawing my strength from Him which His boundless might provides.  I could have put on the "full armor" of God so that I may have been successful in standing against all the strategies and the deceits of the devil.  I could have been quickened to remember that we are not wrestling with flesh and blood, but against principles and powers of wickedness in the supernatural sphere.  I could have, but I didn't....

So, as a result, I went to church alone and extremely agitated from the argument that had transpired and at my failure to heed such a basic discipline of a Believer.          BUT GOD...

Ahhhh!  The presence of the Lord washed over me during worship and He allowed me to enter in.  He reminded that  He gave my children to me as a gift, and while that gift comes with many responciblities, He is the one in whose capable hands they (my children) rest.  I am not the Holy Spirit--you can all breathe a little easier!-- and I am not the One who will ultimately draw my son unto Himself.  My position is to pray, teach truth, discipline, and TRUST that God will accomplish His will in Mike's life.

When it comes to something/someone with whom you are so emotionally intertwined, it can be very difficult to  "Let Go and Let God".  I see the emotional anguish my son is experiencing.  I see the self-destructive behaviors and the confusion.  It literally breaks my heart in two.   I mentioned in a previous post, "soul dividing anxiety", and this is one of those circumstances that can bring this about if I am not careful;  because, on the one hand I see with my natural eyes and on the other, I get glimpses, through Faith, of what will come.  It's tricky!       But, we are called  to LIVE BY FAITH.  It is a command, but it is also a moment by moment choice.  One that in times like this, for me, is a very conscious, take each and every thought captive and hold it up to the Word, kind of choice.  It takes effort.  More effort, for me,  than running a marathon.  There are days, in fact, that this is the only thing I can do, the only thing I  focus on.  It is the priority, the only priority, of the day.  Today is one of those days...

I had plans for today, but spending it this way, in prayer in my hiding place, will be far more beneficial to me and my son then re-ulpolstering my dining room chairs.

  Peace and love joined with faith to all of you, from God the Father